the migrant wife

Ever since I remember, I’ve been a relatively loud child. There’s something about being Chinese which means that volume is directly proportional to level of emotion and enthusiasm. Since I started going out with my (now) husband, I was confronted by the fact that I was really, very, loud.

I have this verse reference written in the inside of my wedding ring:

3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. (1 Peter 3:3-4)

It’s quite ironic, isn’t it? Actually, this was an active reminder to myself. Not sure how well it’s working, but God is (thankfully) patient with me.

I have been thinking more about quietness, these few days during my social media fast. In idle moments, I am tempted to reach for my phone, hoping to fill the void of silence with some – any – noise. I needed somewhere to escape from the stress and chaos of real life, unread emails, unreplied texts, unmopped bathrooms (well we only have one).

Not having a distraction from my real-life stresses, I become short-tempered. I panic. I get annoyed easily. I get worried because I’m “not being productive.” I deal with stress with, more stress.

It was then that I realised I have a quietness issue. I don’t think this has anything to do with my talking volume, or the way I express myself. It is an issue of heart-quietness.

I got a few insights from the study book, A Gentle & Quiet Spirit by Virginia Lefler. Quiet is Hesuchios, which means tranquility arising from within, undisturbed and undisturbing, peacable, and quiet (p. 12) Quietness of heart has an unseen source – it comes from a deep trust in God’s faithfulness and unwavering protection.

I’m sure Peter knew that we needed some examples. He used Sarah, wife of the patriarch Abraham, and her submission to her husband as an example of being clothed in gentleness and quietness. In Genesis, it was recorded that she laughed when she heard about the promise the Lord made to Abraham (Gen 18:12-15). However Peter here pointed out that even then, she called Abraham her lord. She followed him to a far country, she submitted to the leading of her husband, and she was praised as a “holy woman”. She did this because she revered God, not because she believed her husband was a superman and was stronger, smarter, and more gifted than him. She feared God, and therefore she had a quietness within her that showed itself in submission towards her husband.

I think Jesus gave us pretty good examples of quietness too. A quiet kind of strength. In Luke 8:42, Jesus was almost “crushed” by the crowds. People stepping over each other, in frantic fury, grabbing, shoving, pushing to get through, bags dropped, clothes wrangled, sweat dripping, old and young shuffling along the narrow streets, desperate to see the Healer. Crowds can be intimidating – in fact, with this picture in mind, no wonder the disciples tried to send people away at a point during Jesus’ ministry.

Yet, when a young woman who had the problem of bleeding touched him, he stopped. He stopped, unfazed amidst the crowds, and spoke tenderly to her. Quietness of heart. Responding to unfiltered chaos in a controlled, intentional way.

Another example that Virginia also mentions, is of Jesus calming the storm. Jesus was peacefully asleep in the midst of the raging tempest. When the disciples woke him in utter panic, he told the disciples off, got up, and rebuked the winds and waves – and the sea was calm. (Matthew 8:23-27). Responding to unfiltered chaos in a controlled, intentional way.

Notice, Jesus did not rebuke the disciples for not being able to calm the wind and the waves. They did not have the authority. But they had “little faith”. The object of faith, Jesus who did have the authority, was there in the the boat with them. I actually relate to them so, so much. I would be stressed out, not to mention soaking wet, thinking of 101 different solutions, until I realise none of them work, and then call on the Lord in a wild panic. So I love how the story ends. Jesus was quiet, unfaltered, and did what He had authority to – he calmed the sea.

I love being near the sea near my home. I would sit at the pier and watch the waves crashing against this huge rock, not far from shore. Water would shoot a few feet up, spraying white foam into the salty air – before falling down, joining yet another wave that would challenge this rock again. I would watch that over and over again. The rock would never budge. This has, presumably, happened for decades and centuries, waves crashing, water splashing, rock unmoving. Whenever I think of quietness, I think of this rock. Responding to unfiltered chaos in a controlled, intentional way.

With the recent social media fast as well, I have been learning more about myself. I really enjoy pondering on God’s goodness and God’s character. As I see more of Him I see less of myself, less of my stress, problems, worries, anxieties. And as I grow in deeper trust in Him and His goodness, faithfulness and power, it’s my prayer that my heart will grow quiet.